She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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