Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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