I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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