Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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