So drunk its hurt
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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