I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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