holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
