saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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