i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
