birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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