Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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