I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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