woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
