your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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