So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You can't just leave with hair like that
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
