when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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