We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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