I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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