I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.