i just had sex bonerless
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.