you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.