just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.