he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.