if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
the raccoons are back...
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