I skipped work to stalk him.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
