You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
