So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
