I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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