omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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