Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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