it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
