After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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