Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize