so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
