normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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