what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize