if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
