Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
