I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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