but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
cat food counts as protein by the way
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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