Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
