It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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