dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
