Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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