apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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