cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
