Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
