summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
