remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
