No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
