I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
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was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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