we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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