I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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