i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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