Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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