Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Houston, we have a blender
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
