Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
did i just pee glitter
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
