please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
