I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
