Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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